Summer from Hell....

When we had James 12 years ago, the reality of CP slammed into our lives, and the first 18 months became a blur of hospitals, nightmares, tears, and worry. I actually have few memories of that time, b/c of the stress levels I was living at.

My cousin Suzy had given me a journal as part of his baby gift, and I'm so thankful...looking back on those pages is an eye-opener into a time that is basically blank in my mind.

We went through weeks and months of heartbreak, worry, and stress again, on and off, the last few years as James' needs began to slowly outstrip my ability to care full-time for him, care for myself, and keep two beautiful girls balanced and happy too. Homeshare was the answer to prayer, and God handily whapped me upside the head with the knowledge of the right placement for our fun-loving, giggle-making, beautiful son.

Tina and her home was the answer to pray....a very, VERY (thank you, Lord) obvious answer.

Fast forward 9 blissful months of happy boy, happy family, and slowly regained health and sleep levels for Mom......the phone call that began our decent to Hell on earth.

An anonymous phone call had been placed to CAS.....Tina's new boyfriend, met at church, had a "past".....James has been removed from the home.....

Restless nights, as Tina dug in her under-dog-loving heals at the government demand to dump the boyfriend to return to being James' caregiver. We had no idea what the "past" was, due to privacy laws, but it was plain by CAS' reaction that this was no small issue.

To forgive????? What is the true meaning of forgiveness? Was it even something that needed to be done? Sleepless night followed sleepless night....

Until- the court's verdict, opening the sealed records for our knowledge. Sick. It was all I could do to know throw up as our case manager told me what he had done to his two year old niece.

Decision made. Hands down. Period. God gave us James for a reason, and I will NOT set him up as an experiment for a stranger's rehabilitation.

Revelation. It was not my place to forgive. He had not sinned against me. I don't even know the man.

Realization. An answered prayer may only be the right answer "for a season". Doesn't make it any less right in the past, but time changes everything.

And so the search begins for answer #2...a new home for my amazing boy.....meanwhile, he is safe and secure in a temporary home until his new one is found. A loving woman has chosen to put a helpless boy first. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.