I have to admit it, at last. I can't get "into" this Christmas. Everyone nods graciously, and says "Oh, that's normal.", thinking it's b/c of James' passing. But it isn't that. I can't put my finger on "what" it is, but it isn't about James.
The decorations are up (thanks to Brian and the girls), the shortbread is baked (thanks to my wunder-kind chef nephew, Jonathon), the presents are bought....and sitting, unwrapped for the most part, in my closet upstairs.
This is not me. I usually make the Whos down in Whoville look like Christmas slackers! Normally the Christmas tunes are rocking every available second....the gifts are wrapped by December first and ALL under the tree the second it's up (1st weekend in December, like clockwork)....a large variety of cookies are making their way onto my already burdened hips.....and everyone around me rolls their eyes and waits for the New Year to end my ridiculous frenzy of cheer.
This year, as mentioned, other people have done what is done....the music seems to grate on my nerves, and only shortbread is on the menu. This week both girls have their school Christmas concerts, and at this point, I'd rather have flaming bamboo shoots under my nails.
I hope I can "snap to" sometime in the next 11 days. Christmas should be magicla for my kids....I'm in danger of "outing" Santa myself...me, the 40 year old woman who still believes, wants to "out" him...
I wish I could figure out what is wrong....maybe there's a panaceia I could drink?
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